Control what you can control; do what you can do, and stop worrying about the other person’s end of the bargain. Silk’s secrets are all about the ways that we approach and think about our relationships. Through decades of counseling, he’s found that the bulk of the fight for thriving relationally is simply getting our mindsets and beliefs right.
To that end, Danny’s core conviction is that in every aspect of a relationship - connection, communication, boundaries, and more - there is a way for us to be powerful, for us to grow and move forward in love and relational health. And the fact of the matter is, there is no neutral zone when it comes to close relationships; we are either moving closer to one another or distancing ourselves. That said, when we shift our focus away from blaming and expecting things from others to taking ownership of who we are and proactively meeting others’ needs, we will see our love grow! In his words, “Most problems are solved in the momentum of protecting connection” [p. 118].
Throughout his book, Silk offers valuable insight regarding what it means to be powerful, what aspects of our relationships we have control over, how to treat those we're in relationship with, and several common misconceptions about love. Check out the highlights:
The Difference Between Being Powerless and Powerful
Powerless people are takers; powerful people are givers
Powerless people run from difficulty; powerful people are unwavering.
Powerless people think they’re either more or less important than others; powerful people value everyone, including themselves
Powerless people bend over backwards at every request; powerful people value their own health
Controlling What You Can Control
If we’re a mess, our relationships will be too. But if we can get our acts together, our relationships will follow suit. Here are a few areas that Danny suggests we take our personal responsibility seriously:
Who You Are
What You Communicate
How You Follow Through
How To Treat The Other Person In The Relationship
It's easy to love each other when things are going well and we're getting along - but what about the harder times? How do we make forward progress without being manipulative or controlling?
Don’t Succumb To Powerlessness
At The End Of The Day, Love Is A Choice
You May Not Always Like Each Other
You May Not Always Know Each Other
You May Not Always Agree With Each Other
Have you read Keep Your Love On? What was most impactful for you?
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